Who am I and what is my purpose in this life? I, like many others, have asked myself these two questions hundreds of times, especially when things were difficult.
In order to understand who I am, I have had to grapple with the question of identity. My issue, however, has always been that I haven’t ever connected with a specific identity. Although I have tried earnestly to have one, I have never felt as if I belonged to any specific category or group. I don’t physically look like I come from a particular group and emotionally I have always walked a different path than others. Despite my best efforts to fit in with a particular group and walk its walk, I always seem to end up on a different path. As human beings, we all want to belong. We all want to feel as though we are a part of something, but I truly believe NOW with all my heart that I have been made to be on a different path for a reason. A reason I now understand, and one that I now embrace in its entirety.
I don’t believe I was ever meant to belong to any one specific group, but instead belong to them all at the same time. God made me as I am, with all the races that make up my being and then exposed me to all the experiences I confronted to prepare me for this exact moment. God, by allowing me to have this unique perspective on life, has given me a beautiful gift. He has allowed me to see all people for what they are, brothers and sisters all born in the image of God – no matter what group they align themselves with. If we as human beings could only see each other in this light, the world would truly be a better place, one in which He originally intended.
God’s ways are not ours to understand. His ways are ours to accept. That is called faith. It is the one thing I have had my entire life: faith. My faith has brought me through unimaginable storms, but after every one, without fail, I have emerged a stronger, better person. God has shaped and molded me to prepare me for what was to come. The process of refinement was extremely painful at times. It has cost me everything that was ever dear to me: my childhood innocence, my mother, father, sisters, children, family, reputation and wives, but never my faith. I now believe the process is almost complete. I sincerely believe I am in the final stages of that preparation, coming exactly forty years since I left Guyana. For sure I was not the easiest clay to work with. There were many impurities that needed to be discarded, many rough edges that needed to be polished, and many dead branches to be pruned. That process I believe is now almost complete. I now know not only who I am, but what my purpose is. This book is the launching pad for what I hope will be God’s will and purpose for my life. That purpose being to make this world a better place by teaching and empowering those less fortunate by sharing my own experiences.
I did not consciously choose the life I now have, but I don’t know how much choice I really had over my life to begin with. However, I do know this path that I am now embarking on is the best place I have ever been in my life. I don’t know if there is any greater satisfaction a human being can have than knowing he may have the tools to make a positive difference in someone else’s life and then be willing to do it as I am. This is my testimony and hope for you my brothers and sisters. I pray now that God’s will be done.